Is your selfish nature irreparably damaging your future?
Many a times, we become the cause of someone's hurt without even realizing it. The reason is probably simple. We are too wrapped up in our own individual worlds. We tend to look at a situation only from our perspective. We don't pause to consider the other person's situation. We don't take into account the key reason why the other person might be behaving in a certain manner. For all you know, the current reaction you are witnessing is probably a reaction against one of your earlier actions or even the lack of it.
You need not necessarily blame yourself for this. It's human to react quickly to a situation. But if you want to resolve the issue, if you want to make sure the other person also get his/her due, if you want to make sure that your current reaction doesn't lead to permanent damage from which both of you can't extricate yourself, a future that both of you will regret, then you need to learn to pause. You need to learn how to put your own selfish motives to the side. You need to realize your selfish motives are probably a result of many such baseless thoughts that have built up over the years. You need to realize that while a selfish stance seems to be in your best interest at the moment, the result is probably not necessarily the best outcome for you in the long run. The satisfaction or sense of relief you feel because things seem to be going your way at the moment, may not necessarily be what you want in the long run.
How can you get to a stage where your narrow-mindedness and selfish motives are not leading to a world full of hurt for yourselves and those around you? The answer to that may not be as simple. But when you are in a situation like that, practice pausing. Practice the art of asking yourself, why you are reacting in this manner. Don't stop at just self-introspection. Ask yourself why the other person is behaving in this manner.
Have there been other instances where you or the other person reacted in a similar fashion? What is common between all these instances? What could you have done that led to this reaction? If you had done something differently, for instance, if you had decided to be altruistic at that moment, could the other person's reaction have been different? If the other person then reacted in a different manner, is that knowledge now likely to change your own view about the situation? And taking both these things into consideration -- the change in the way the other person reacts and the possible change in your own point of view -- do you think the situation or the new future is something that you would prefer?
Of course asking so many questions means pulling yourself out of the situation and pausing to think hard. Will it be easy? No. Could it become easier over time? Probably. Could you involve the other person in this process? Yes. How? Possibly by asking the other person these questions and having an open dialogue. Will it work all the time? Possibly, but it largely depends on the maturity of the individuals involved.
The good thing is that this level of introspection might lead to you discovering new things about yourself as well as the other person, which might change the quality of your interactions and in turn the nature of the relationship.
You need not necessarily blame yourself for this. It's human to react quickly to a situation. But if you want to resolve the issue, if you want to make sure the other person also get his/her due, if you want to make sure that your current reaction doesn't lead to permanent damage from which both of you can't extricate yourself, a future that both of you will regret, then you need to learn to pause. You need to learn how to put your own selfish motives to the side. You need to realize your selfish motives are probably a result of many such baseless thoughts that have built up over the years. You need to realize that while a selfish stance seems to be in your best interest at the moment, the result is probably not necessarily the best outcome for you in the long run. The satisfaction or sense of relief you feel because things seem to be going your way at the moment, may not necessarily be what you want in the long run.
How can you get to a stage where your narrow-mindedness and selfish motives are not leading to a world full of hurt for yourselves and those around you? The answer to that may not be as simple. But when you are in a situation like that, practice pausing. Practice the art of asking yourself, why you are reacting in this manner. Don't stop at just self-introspection. Ask yourself why the other person is behaving in this manner.
Have there been other instances where you or the other person reacted in a similar fashion? What is common between all these instances? What could you have done that led to this reaction? If you had done something differently, for instance, if you had decided to be altruistic at that moment, could the other person's reaction have been different? If the other person then reacted in a different manner, is that knowledge now likely to change your own view about the situation? And taking both these things into consideration -- the change in the way the other person reacts and the possible change in your own point of view -- do you think the situation or the new future is something that you would prefer?
Of course asking so many questions means pulling yourself out of the situation and pausing to think hard. Will it be easy? No. Could it become easier over time? Probably. Could you involve the other person in this process? Yes. How? Possibly by asking the other person these questions and having an open dialogue. Will it work all the time? Possibly, but it largely depends on the maturity of the individuals involved.
The good thing is that this level of introspection might lead to you discovering new things about yourself as well as the other person, which might change the quality of your interactions and in turn the nature of the relationship.
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